We’ve all been in situations that warrant hardship “Nope.” Whether it’s heavy traffic on the freeway, unwanted family drama, or that scary movie that makes you laugh, sometimes you just have to say NO and walk away.
I haven’t said no to many when it comes to video games. After all, I’ve written a list of video games based around going to the bathroom, so it’s clear I’m a trash-loving man. Still, I drew my line in the sand, and those games made me say “NOPE” faster than a character in a Jordan Peele movie.
5 death mark
A visual horror novel? How scary can that be? It turns out death mark was one of the scariest games i have ever played. It might not have the graphics and cutscenes of Capcom’s latest horror game, but it more than makes up for it with disturbing graphics and terrifying sound design.
In short, you play this guy with a mark on his wrist that looks like a tattoo that your friend thought would look edgy after putting back a few. This brand, called the death mark, is a prophetic omen, a la The Ring. If the mark appears on your wrist, you will die that very evening unless you face the spirit responsible for giving you the mark.
But who gave the protagonist Kazuo Yashiki his mark? There’s the catch! Each night focuses on a new ghost that may or may not have given Yashiki the Death Cooties.
The first chapter of Death Mark takes place in a haunted school. Okay, scary but bearable, right? nope Every room I entered had a new surprise, including a jumpscare of a ghost boy’s face that took up the entire screen. I managed to finish the chapter with no sound, but haven’t returned to Death Mark since.
4 Mortal Kombat 9
Don’t twist it; I am in love Mortal Kombat. My cousins and I played the game ad nauseam as kids. And we were delighted adults when the next-gen reboot came out in 2011. This game had it all: a return to 2D combat, fan-favorite characters, and a story mode that finally helped us understand what the heck was going on. It’s the turning point the series desperately needed after its shaky 3D era.
I loved playing MK9. What I Not love went in the crypt. In earlier parts, the Krypt was a brooding and gory shop where you could unlock in-game items with Koins. I was expecting a similar experience in MK9. And for my first visits to the crypt it was.
Then, during a fateful visit to the crypt, I began to hear footsteps. No human steps, but the frantic scampering of an animal. “Meh, just a spooky sound design,” I thought. And then Budget Nosferatu appeared on the screen and yelled at me!
My heart skipped five beats. Then I ran to this Xbox 360 and turned it off like if I left it on it would eat me up. nope I would not enter this crypt again. Syndel’s alternate color wasn’t worth a fatal heart attack.
3 Dragon Age: Origins
I have never described myself as having an arachnophobia. For example, I’ve stomped on my fair share of spiders while my mom whined at me, “EWWWW. KILL IT! KILL IIIIIT!” But something about Dragon Ages Spiders gave me the creepy crawlies.
I don’t think I played the game for an hour when I found myself in a cave filled with these giant monstrosities. I winced every time I rounded a corner, imagining another eight-legged horror coming my way. And the more I thought about it, the more I got that phantom itch you only get when you think you have an insect on your skin.
I was scared? Not really. But it was a sensory experience that I didn’t enjoy. It’s like someone asking me to pet a tarantula. Okay, they’re a little cute from afar. But I don’t want to feel his furry pedipalps on my hand.
FYI: I’m scowling at Lucille Balls as I write this paragraph. ok i just said “Nope,” but i also said “EwWwWwwweeeeeeeyuccccckugh!”
2 Resident Evil 7
When it comes to horror, I’m half okay with zombies. And the last few Resident Evil games have looked more like an action/thriller than a creeper feature. When I bought my mother a copy Resident Evil 7 For Mother’s Day I thought we could give up the controller and play together. After all, she loves a good scary movie.
Unfortunately, RE7 perfectly embodies why I love watching horror movies but not playing horror games. I can watch a horror movie in the safety of my couch, with a yummy bowl of popcorn and a throw pillow to cover my eyes when it hits the fan. But horror games are interactive. I can’t cover my face with my controller or I’ll be killed.
And that’s exactly what happened playing Biohazard. Mom and I got through the first hour or two just fine. In fact, we crawled through the sewers, searched the abandoned house, and rescued Mia from her makeshift prison cell. Of course we had some hauntings along the way, but we handled them well.
Then Mia Winters went full on the angry zombie and attacked us with a chainsaw. I felt like Regina Hall in that scene from Scary Movie watching Shakespeare In Love at the cinema. All I could think was, “Mia, you better get the hell out of my face. OUT OF MY FACE! OUT OF MY FACE!”
My mom and I passed the controller back and forth like a ticking time bomb. Finally, we both said “nope”, and never played again.
1 pt
pt stands for playable teaser, a short demo to announce the cancellation silent Hill Sequel designed and directed by Hideo Kojima in collaboration with Guillermo del Toro, Silent Hills. It’s a milestone in video game history for a number of reasons.
First, the game has an immersive visual storytelling. Second, it’s tied to a long-dormant franchise. Third, it was infamously removed from downloads shortly after launch, making it all but impossible to play now. And finally, it’s the scariest hour you will ever play in your life.
Let me be clear; I’ve never played PT, but I watched a twitch stream with the game. As much as I knew this game was more than I could handle, I was drawn into it. I couldn’t stop watching the stream. And honestly, since I didn’t play the game, I figured I’d at least check it out.
And really, PT is a fascinating game to watch. The whole story takes place in a haunted hallway. Each time the player character goes through the end of the corridor, he returns to the beginning. You have to solve the puzzles in the hallway to complete the game.
Things felt scary but bearable during the first few corridor passes. In addition, an assassination plot was being laid out in radio segments and haunted phone calls that I wanted to know more about. I love a good secret. Then the game got twisted. The player encounters a bloody baby fetus in a bathroom sink, voices come out of nowhere, and then you are faced with the scariest jumpscare of a grotesque ghost.
And by the way, this ghost was Follow you all the time in the game! Yes, someone hacked the game and found a model of the ghost behind the player’s back throughout the teaser. This is the next level of mess.
In short, stalker ghosts and bloody fetuses? nope That’s a hard NO from me, brother. nope No thank you. No way. No how. no family NOOOOOOOOO.
