6 tips to help you be confident

It’s okay not to feel confident all the time. Some days things are so good that the vlogs with it-girl aesthetics on your TikTok FYP can’t even relate to how much you crush it IRL. Then there are other days when you just don’t feel so good, and that’s okay too. Confidence doesn’t come in one size fits all, so it’s important to know how to encourage yourself and support your friends when questions arise about how to be confident.

Merriam-Webster defines confidence as “a sense or awareness of one’s powers or confidence in one’s circumstances”. TBH, trust is an extremely broad spectrum of feelings. “True confidence comes when you give yourself permission to experiment without judgment and shame,” says Dr. Pauline Peck, a licensed psychologist from Santa Barbara, California. “Confidence is not about having all the answers. It means knowing you can find out and allowing yourself to have trial and error as part of the process.”

You can be an outgoing extrovert or the most reserved introvert and still have top-notch confidence. It’s about showing yourself grace and acceptance. “Confidence is having a secure relationship with yourself that’s based on being kind, gentle, patient, and accepting what shows up today—even as you work to show yourself differently in the future,” adds Dr . Peck added.

Figuring out how to be confident can be an ever-evolving journey. There is no quick one-stop solution, but Dr. Peck shared some helpful tips on how to become more confident.

1. Consciously use social media

Social media can trigger many people and cause them to doubt themselves and feel less secure. “It’s important to limit exposure to accounts, people, and images that don’t make you feel good or represent you,” says Dr. peck While she doesn’t advise deleting social media entirely, she recommends using it more consciously. “It’s a human thing to compare yourself, and if we accept that, we can work around it by making sure we keep our social media presence balanced and healthy.”

2. Don’t associate confidence with physical things

Confidence is not about looking in a certain direction or achieving a certain status. It all depends on how you are feeling. “We all have sides that I call ‘tender’ – vulnerabilities and insecurities,” she says. Creating your definition of confidence helps you accept the current version of yourself without waiting to change things that may be superficial or temporary. “The more you engage with the fullness of who you are, the more your self-concept will become a rich mosaic of all your strengths, talents, roles, and relationships, rather than just a single image of what you look like.”

3. Don’t look for external validation

It’s fun to have the approval of your friends or followers on social media, but it’s important not to let it affect how you feel about yourself. “I like to say, ‘Happiness is an inner task,'” adds Dr. Peck added. “So much of how we experience ourselves and the world around us is based within us, and when we truly recognize that, we also awaken to the power and choice we all have in shaping our reality.”

4. Realize that as you grow, your definition of confidence will change

The things that make you feel most confident as a freshman in high school may not be the same things that make you feel confident when you are a freshman in college. It’s important to give yourself grace as you grow and allow your definition of confidence to change. “Trust in itself is not all or nothing. It’s domain specific,” she advises. “Confidence means being gentle with the constant changes – internal, external and environmental – that will inevitably occur. Turning to trust also means leaning into the learning process. Whenever we’re learning something new, we’re at the bottom of the learning curve, and being confident comes from being kind to ourselves in the learning process.”

5. Accept that you will make mistakes and you may be rejected

We are all flawed, imperfect human beings, which means we will make mistakes from time to time. No matter how many mistakes we make or what failures we encounter, it’s important that they don’t affect how we feel about ourselves. according to dr Peck considers “the ability to deal with rejection and disappointment without shame or judgment” to be a key factor in maintaining trust. “Knowing that it can hurt when someone isn’t into us or when that job didn’t work out, but to contain it in disappointment and anger instead of blaming and judging ourselves for who we are.” , is one of the biggest signs of self-confidence.

6. Develop relationships with people who give you confidence

Have you ever come across an enemy who makes “jokes” that make you feel bad? It’s important to surround yourself with people who will help improve the way you feel about yourself. “People who like themselves also want to spend time with those they like, and the more confident you are, the higher your standards will be for the company you maintain,” says Dr. peck “Everyone has flaws, including you! But people who aren’t confident may settle for all sorts of things in their relationships because they don’t believe they’re worthy of anything different and better.”

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