The internet is obsessed with the new movie, Prey, which arrived on Hulu on Friday. I’ll be watching that soon, but first I had to prepare myself by watching the original Predator movie.
It’s a wild movie with a lot of things to like and some things to really hate, but there are five standout quotes that deserve to be included in as many NBA games as possible. The vehicle to drive these quotes? Luke Doncic. We all know he likes trash talk.
Here are the 5 quotes and the corresponding scenarios they should be used for.
Scenario: Right after Luka broke some ankles
In “Predator,” Arnold Schwarzenegger says this after throwing a large knife in someone’s torso and pinning them against a wall. It’s quite the scene and quite the line. The crooked smile Schwarzenegger delivers that line with makes it even tougher and funnier.
This should be easy for Luka to deliver in several games. Imagine him hitting someone with a series of nasty crossovers, knocking them over and then scoring. On his way back onto the pitch, he runs past the players before they can get off the ground and Luka grins and says, “Stay here.”
Scenario: After Luka defeats someone
There are two ways Luka could make this work and both are delightful. Firstly, I’d love for him to say that after a big man tried to put him on a switch. Assuming Luka holds and forces the offensive player to pass the ball and reset offense, Doncic looks him in the eye and delivers the line. It would be demoralizing.
The second way is even better and probably more realistic. Let’s say someone like Mikal Bridges is guarding Luka. He’s a great defender – someone who commands a lot of respect in the league – but he’s nowhere near strong enough to stand up to Luka. So Luka drops his shoulder a few times, maybe even stands up for a dunk and then yells this in the defender’s face after overpowering him for one and one.
Scenario: After Luka scores a game-winning shot
We need to use some imagination and get a little creative here because NBA teams don’t take helicopters to and from games, but it would have been criminal to leave that quote aside.
We could use a lengthy setup to make that one hit even heavier. Maybe the Dallas Mavericks will rotate a few guys who can fly into the stadium in a helicopter? Then it feels more natural when Luka hits a winner? I’m just spitting here.
Regardless, as long as Luka yells this in true Schwarzenegger fashion, it sounds more like, “Go hackpaaaa!” We won’t have any problems. The world will ride high when Luka hits a game-winning shot. The emotion will be felt. And Luka will deliver a lineage that will live on forever, only in a new context.
It’s not perfect, but anyone would love it.
Scenario: After Luka starts bleeding in a playoff game
Another simple one here. NBA players are people who compete physically, and when people compete physically, they get injured and sometimes bleed.
In this case, the referees stop the game and have the blood covered by the training staff (for health and safety reasons). Whenever that happens to Luka in a playoff game, Luka has to look the referee straight in the eye and yell, “I don’t have time to bleed!”
That makes no sense. It’s barbaric. It’s perfect.
Scenario: Next time Luka meets Devin Booker
After all that Devin Booker-Luka Doncic stuff in the 2022 Western Conference Finals, I expect this to be a forever rivalry.
So, instead of taking our trash talk to a creative level, let’s just keep it simple. The next time Luka Booker misses a basket, all he has to do is look at him and say, “You’re an ugly motherfucker,” in exactly the same rhythm and tone that Schwarzenegger uses to tell the alien predator when he is takes off his mask and shows his face.
yes i am petty